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Wednesday 29 November 2017

THE ADULT MICRO SCOOTER QUESTION

As you're no doubt aware we're living the end of days. Russian shenanigans. Korean Peninsular nuclear boogaloo. Brexit. Trump. As self-aware content consumers there's only so much we can do. Sure, we can have a charity cupcake sale to raise awareness for transgender stuff but we need to keep things in perspective. Have you seen an adult (25+) using a micro scooter?

There's a certain childlike naivetĂ© about an adult (25+) using a micro scooter; similar to the white man who enjoys the reggae jam or some dingdong queuing up for a fancypants iPhone / Supreme clothing release.  



Whether it's wanting to get in touch with their inner child (_____ clever Hollywood sex scandal observation) or just a need to effing stick it to The Man we can never truly trust these individuals. What drives them? Should we (as responsible adults (25+) living in the modern urban environment) flag them down and stage an intervention? It's hard, y'all. 

Whereas everyone has the right to curate their own personal brand, if it's straight up fucking wrong, don't we have a responsibility to intervene? Sort of like some bro with a twiddly moustache. 

From what I understand, the government is going to try and make people using those flying drone things go on some mandatory training course. Obviously this is a complete waste of time / resources. Would the time be better spent regulating adults' access to micro scooters or creating some list of adults who own them? I'm absolutely furious with these characters and will be writing a strongly worded email. Might even start a petition on change.org as 1'000 signatures has the same power as 10 Tomahawk Missiles. We can make a diff!


Q&A
a) Are you adult micro scooter?
b) Sometimes at work I see this frumpy-looking broad riding a micro scooter and she has 2 kids with her also riding a micro scooter. The kids have a real dead look in their eyes - sort of like a war veteran. (Not really a question.)
c) What do you think the best Call of Duty was? I think CoD 4: Modern Warfare but then Modern Warfare 2 was also pretty sweetums.
d) Realistically, should we also question the motivations of a grown up still dicking around with skateboards?
e) What aspect of your own personal branding solution could do with a tweak? 

There's a shop that sells 'pro micro scooters' but that's an oxymoron like Tesco Finest.

Going forward into 2018 I'm planning to violently attack anyone utilising a micro scooter in the modern urban environment. (Might expand upon this initiative to include children throwing those snap popper things that go bang on the floor.) I believe the time for moderation has passed. We must act NOW!

:-] happyface



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